Author: makaylajantjes@gmail.com

Why Music Makes My Brain Do a Happy Dance (and Sometimes Replay the Not-So-Happy Moments) – Plus, My Singing Adventures!

So, let’s talk about music. It’s like, the ultimate mood ring, right? One minute you’re feeling totally “meh,” and then your favorite song comes on, and suddenly you’re ready to conquer the world (or at least your laundry pile).

I’ve been on a bit of a musical journey lately, diving into all sorts of genres. It’s been wild! And it got me thinking: why does music have such a powerful hold on us?

Okay, so here’s the deal. Your brain is basically a supercomputer, and music is like a cheat code. When you listen to a song, it sets off all sorts of reactions:

• Memory Lane Activated: Music has this amazing ability to unlock memories. It’s like your brain has a little time machine, and certain songs are the keys.
• Happy Hormones Incoming: Music triggers the release of dopamine, which is basically your brain’s happy juice. That’s why listening to your favorite tunes can instantly boost your mood.
• Emotions on Overdrive: Music can also tap into your emotions, big time.

Music has this incredible ability to transport us through time. It can bring back the most exciting, joyful moments of our lives, making us relive those feelings as if they were happening right now. But it can also do the opposite. A song can trigger memories of really awful, embarrassing moments, or times of sadness, making us feel those emotions all over again.

It is amazing how a song can bring back the feelings of a first kiss, like my first kiss with my husband, or the sting of a hard breakup. Music is a powerful force.

My Secret Singing Life (Okay, Not So Secret):

And speaking of music, let’s talk about my love for singing! Especially on days when my husband goes into the office, I love to belt out my favorite tunes. It’s like my own personal concert, and I’m the star! And yes, I’ll admit, sometimes I record myself, just to double-check if I’ve magically become a world-class singer overnight. (Spoiler alert: I haven’t, but a girl can dream!)

I also have a blast making up silly songs and serenading my animals. I think they’re hilarious and creative, but maybe that’s just me. They seem to enjoy it, or at least tolerate it!

Honestly, music is like therapy for me. It’s there for me when I’m happy, sad, or just feeling plain weird. It helps me process my emotions, remember good times, and just feel a little bit more alive.

Here are a few playlists that I am currently vibing too: Enjoy!

Since I have spotify, I probably made a 100 playlists, but I did a reaaaal clean up!

Anyway, I just felt like expressing my deep love for music, which I am sure many of you can relate to! So, crank up the volume, let the music take you away, and don’t be afraid to dance like nobody’s watching (even if you’re alone in your room, or singing silly songs to your pet).

Until next time my lovely souls, remember you are loved!

xx

Haha once again, it’s been a while! – To be fair I have been quite busy. That’s if you consider starting your own Company as being busy! Also, my website was down for a while, and I was struggling so much to get it back online, but enough of the excuses!

Sooooooo…. let’s see, what else is new? Ooooh I started listening to a new music genre – Indie Music, honesly it is such a vibe. My goal is to have a really messed up Spotify unwrapped this year LOL. Weird goal I know, but it’s so exciting to see what music you listened to during the year, especially when music is like a getaway for you.

BTW if there is any spelling mistakes in this post, blame it on Nyx! she decided that I no longer need my glasses, it’s the third pair that she has broken, but honestly it’s not entirely her fault as I am really bad at putting my things away. Anyway! I can hardly see what is going on, like it’s so blury on my screen, so if something doesn’t seem right, just scroll and have a good laugh. Also, I don’t know how I am going to watch Modern Family! (yes I am re watching it again)

Anyway, just took a vape break, I really need to start smoking less, but its so lekker to make smoke man! LOL

So my mental health has been up and down lately, probably because I haven’t seen a psychologist for a while, I am trying to find a new one, yes Daisy was really good to me, but I want to focus on some other things so I need to find one that matches what I am looking for. I am really so picky, like if they don’t have any Google reviews then I’m like pass! Also, I prefer male doctors and I also want an online one so that I don’t have to take an Uber to see him. If you know me, you know I HATE taking an uber alone, it’s so scary, like I will have the window open, my knuckle buster on, and a knife in my hand, all while trying to advertise my small tattoos on my wrists (I read that you are less likely to be a victim of trafficking if you have tattoos) anyway and I obviously want to seem normal, but my mind runs away with me the whole ride there, I just hate it. Point is, if you know any psychologists that fit the criteria please contact me? Like I told my psychiatrist I have an addiction to therapy, and he said its like exercise for your brain, and just like your body needs exercise, so does your brain, and I feel so good after rambling on about whatever trauma I wanna talk about LOL. And that is another reason why I missed blogging, its like a release for me, I used to love writing when I was younger, and I still enjoy it. I honestly don’t care if no one reads my blog, its like therapy to me, and if you are reading this, thank you! I hope I am relateable in some way!

Onto another topic, I recently had some fun with gummies (iykyk) and I went to a certain place, that well, I’d rather not mention, but if you get it, then you get it. I had so much fun admiring the confidence and beauty in these women, like standing there and being so vulnerable is crazy! oh and I had this gummy before I went there, so I had like a whole body positivity awakening LOL! like from far they look absolutely perfect, but at some point you see them up close and see their imperfections and you know it just makes you feel like it’s okay, not everyone is perfect and what they seem, and that’s okay, and they are beautiful either way. People might think I am weird for going to places like that, especially with my husband, but I like it, so judge me if you want, I honestly don’t care. You do you, I’ll do me. And yes there is absolutely nothing wrong in finding someone of the same gender beautiful/attractive. Well, I see nothing wrong with it.

Oh and on another note, love is love, and I do not judge. Like that is such a big thing for me, something so close to my heart, I love seeing people happy, no matter who they are with, no matter how they identify, no one will change my mind on this!

Anyway I am rambling on as usual, but if you made it this far, thank you! I hope you are happy and healthy, and that you are putting yourself first, that you are loving yourself and that you smiled today or laughed or even cried, these are all things that make us human, and I hope you feel comfortable in your skin, you are beautiful, your soul is beautiful, and remember, no one is perfect, and there is always room for growth. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Do what makes you happy and don’t apologize for it.

Until next time my lovely souls, remember you are loved!

xx

Wow it’s beeeen a whiiiiillllleeee!!! hectic!

I remember when I first started my blog, I told myself that I would post everyday for a year LOL. But I am NOT going to beat myself up about it.

So my husband is on leave, and he is a night owl, so he has been playing a bunch of video games and falling asleep on the couch for the past few nights, and guess what? I have come to the realization that I am the spare human! Every morning I wake up and the dogs are laying with him! Traitors! I am the one that feeds them LOL. Anyway so tonight I was like “who ever sleeps by Mommy is getting a Christmas present” I kid you not – they came to lay by me! I promise you animals can understand us.

Sooooo I was laying watching them, just staring at them and thinking to myself how blessed and thankful I am for having them in my life. Then of course the intrusive thoughts took over, and I started thinking of the day that they might not be with me anymore and I just started crying! No one will understand (okay some might) how much my animals mean to me. I know I don’t talk much about my three cats (to them I am also the spare human!) but I love them dearly. The thing is with dogs, they want affection 24/7 and it is so cuuute! cats are like “get away from me you peasant”. One thing always sticks in my head – your animals are not with you for your whole life, but you are with them for their whole life – so I intend on making every moment count!

Man I love my dogs, I can talk about them all day, and if you read any of my previous posts you will know that I have a special connection with Nyx, she has been with me through the most.

Off topic but whyyyyyyy are dog farts so lethal? My word!!! someone send help asap! and also why do their little pawsies smell like cheese? But I honestly love them and their smelly bits and slobber so much!

Anyway this post is like a dedication to my animals and they can’t even read! or can they? haha

My point is, I am thankful, I am grateful, I am blessed. I am loved unconditionally by my pets and to feel that kind of love is so, so special. There comes the tears! Why am I so emotional?

Dear Nyx, Iris, Kai, Cosmo and Tigger, Mommy loves you (aka spare human – lets see if your Daddy writes a whole blog post about you, haha)

OMW I am so funny rn, okay no I’m not but let’s just pretend.

So what are you thankful for today? – I encourage you to ask yourself this question everyday!

To those of you that made it this far – thank you for reading my nonsense, I hope I made you smile!

Until next time my lovely souls, remember that you are loved!

xx

Firstly, ironic because I’ve been AWOL haha (well with blogging)

But seriously, I need a break, so if you don’t hear from me or see me as often, know it’s nothing personal – I am trying to make a few POSITIVE changes and I need to stay focused.

We are almost at the end of September and I remember telling myself last year, that I would be in a total different place by now, and guess what? Besides my job and slightly better mental health status – my physical health has taken an even bigger dip, and I am not proud of it.

I recently had a doctor’s appointment and I had to list all my “disorders” and honestly after mentioning all of it I was kinda embarrassed. That list was so long! The doctor took one look at me and said “stop hiding behind your disorders, own it” that hit hard but it’s true. Sometimes I make excuses and just fall back on, oh its because I have…. whatever. But that needs to stop.

If I want to make changes – especially with regard to my physical health I need to STOP blaming my binge eating disorder and work with what I have. Eat healthier and exercise. Simple right? well, it’s actually really not but I have to put in the effort. As I am typing this I am so nauseous, my throat hurts and I just feel unwell, and I can’t help but think it is linked to me being overweight.

While I’m on the topic, remember what Kat said in Euphoria? “There’s Nothing More Powerful Than A Fat Girl That Doesn’t Give a F***” Yoh I felt that for some time, not gonna lie. Being overweight gave me a weird sense of confidence, but it’s at a point where my health is taking a major dip and I simply HAVE to make some changes!

Wondering why I’m sharing this? Well if this is boring to you… just close the tab! I started this blog for myself and to raise awareness about mental health among many other things, but also as a diary to myself, so, Makayla, by next year this time I want to see a change okay? I am holding myself accountable and if you want to be a part of my journey then hold me accountable too! Sometimes we all need a helping hand, and if you want to be one – I will accept it. I am NOT saying I will be the best responder but I will try my best 🙂

I listened to this oldish song now and it made me feel somewhat hopeful. So take a listen, maybe you need it too!

Anyway…

I g2g

Until next time my lovely souls, remember you are loved!

xx

Firstly, Hey guys! It’s been a hot minute! Wow so much has happened since I last posted. I hope you are all well and keeping warm in this cold weather 🙂

Secondly, DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING – This post contains details about a specific phobia and suicidal thoughts that I struggled with for a very long time, and if you are sensitive to things like that, please DO NOT read on.

Okay! So I am getting confirmed on the 28th July 🙂 why now you ask? Well there are many, many reasons and at this time I would just like to talk about one, and that’s the biggest and main reason it has taken me so long and that has kept me out of church for many years.

I remember being about 8/9 years old and this fear hit me straight up out of nowhere, like I have NO IDEA where it came from, but it hit me hard, and that’s the fear of eternity.

Lot’s of people fear death, but I feared what came after, spending ETERNITY in Heaven, with God. Weird right? Why would one fear that? Let me give you some more insight. The thought of something never coming to an end, just going on forever scared me so much. My mind could not comprehend something having no end. I was so young at the time, and there was so much going on in my life, with regards to my family (I won’t go into that right now)

Once the fear latched itself onto/into (IDK) my brain, it was stuck. Whenever I had to go to Church after that… I tuned out. When I heard the word “Eternity” (and you hear it a lot at Church) my mind would go straight into panic mode. I would cry, pull my hair, hold my breath, pray (weird) I would count to 10 and at some point the only way to get through the moment was to tell myself that God, the Church, everything… was a lie and then when I died, I will cease to exist. And this would help – Until I was alone in my thoughts, and then I would spiral and think of something going on and on and on, you get where I am going with this. It got so bad that I would do anything to not be alone.

I would make sure I was the first to fall asleep, always have music playing, stay with someone, anyone, and just stay present. Obviously this could not work out in the long run so… sometimes I would take tablets to fall asleep, and I became addicted to codeine without knowing it. Suicide crossed my mind daily, more than once a day. I just needed my mind to be quiet. One day everything came crashing down and I took a handful of pills and called my psychologist and told him, if he could not help me, right that second, that I will take everything that I had and just end it. Luckily he squeezed me in to see him and I had to be rushed to hospital because I almost had a stroke. Now this is all very personal and I wasn’t even planning on sharing that part. But anyway… it’s all part of the story. I promise I’m getting there.

Anyway that stunt scared me, and I swore I would never attempt something like that again. I told myself to be strong and to just not think of it. I told myself God isn’t real. I told myself anything to get through the day. I know this might be silly to some, but the amount of panic attacks that I had because of this fear – it’s crazy.

Moving on to about when I started this blog, so January/February I started seeing a new psychologist, you all know her “Daisy” (not her real name) and the reason I started seeing her is because I wanted to hurt myself, I remember trying to explain what was going on in my head one night – to my husband, and it just got so bad, I ended up crying and telling him all I wanted was to die. All I had on my mind was death and how I could get away with it without killing myself. Now I will not be sharing those details as… well… I don’t think I should, I just don’t.

Anyway, things got so bad that I would sit and cry for hours and nothing would help. I would stare at nothing for hours and my doctors said I was border lining entering psychosis. This is where Daisy steps in. My first session with Daisy I listed all the things I needed help with, obviously the fear of eternity being number one. After talking for a few minutes she says she can definitely help with everything, especially the big one, she brushed it off like it was nothing. I was like what?? someone can help me? all my doctors knew about this fear, but no one came out and said that it’s no issue and that we can sort it out. It was from this moment on that I had hope.

Fast forward about 6-8 weeks (we saw each other weekly) and FINALLY the big topic was brought up, and we start talking about it, and we get into the finer details of some things and she asks me question after question and I don’t know how but we cleared everything up. She had studied and read the bible many times and she explained to me that once we die and enter heaven, that there is no sickness, nothing bad, just happiness (I don’t know why, but I had thought that my Bipolar brain would be going with me and that my eternity would mean me stuck within my mind) anyway we also got into the why I am scared of something that never ends, it stems from some unresolved childhood trauma. And by the end of the meeting, I closed my laptop and started crying. My husband asked what’s wrong and I said I’m happy, I’m not scared anymore. For about 2 hours I cried and stopped and cried and had this sense of peace over me that I simply cannot put into words, and in that moment I realized that the peace that I felt was so warm and calm and if that is a taste of what Eternity will be like – then I am not afraid anymore.

That very day I called the Reverend at Kuilsriver Moravian Church and asked about joining their confirmation group. (At the time I thought it would be a year program because confirmation usually takes place on Palm Sunday, and that had already passed) anyway turns out that there were 2 other older people that also wanted to be confirmed and that it would take place in July, along with the younger group.

So I’ve been attending classes, attending Church and isn’t it crazy? How this all worked out? Everything happened for me to get to this point where I am right now – getting confirmed in 2 weeks, by a Reverend who I admire in so many ways, that accepts things in a way I always believed things should be accepted. Everything fits! I had to go through everything, I had to see many therapists before I found the right one, the one that lead me to being where I am right now, and right in time to get confirmed. Is it just me or does that sound like fate?

Even in the time where I told myself God wasn’t real – I still prayed, I prayed for him to take my fear away, and yes it’s taken many years but it’s made me who I am, everything that has lead to this moment has made me who I am. God was there all along, I just had to be patient.

Now some of you might not understand this post and some of you might look at me in a different way. Some of you might think this is the dumbest thing you have ever read, someone being afraid of Eternity?? and that’s okay. I am not here to judge you and I accept that not everyone sees things the same way.

My message to you today is – You never know why someone is the way they are, you don’t know that the person right next to you might be smiling, but inside is batting something that they feel they will never overcome. Be kind always, accept one another for who they are, I mean who are we to judge? A simple smile, or “how are you – and mean it” can go a very long way.

So yes, I am 28 and I am getting confirmed! I know and understand what I am about to do and I embrace it and look forward to it so much. I am excited about the next chapter of my life, because the way I see it, this is just the beginning.

Shout out to Daisy, Reverend, family members and my dear Husband (who has been by my side through EVERYTHING) I love you all!

Until next time my lovely souls, remember that you are loved!

xx

Why do I feel like that is all I do these days? LOL

I’ve been trying to keep busy. Let’s see. . . I am still job hunting (the struggle is real) but I am very picky about the environment that I want to be in, so that I don’t repeat past mistakes.

I went to Church! for the first time in so long. I am excited about that new chapter.

Daisy said that she can’t teach me any new things and that she is very proud of my progress. So I’ll be seeing her on a need to see basis (if that makes sense)

I’ve started 2 courses on Udemy that I am very excited about! Even though my brain is mush these days, I still like learning new things!

I am proud of myself, and I don’t tell myself that enough. I am proud of who I am becoming, and my progress that I have made over these past few months.

OMW why am I writing 2 lines each time? I wish I could add emoji’s to my posts. If you know how, please DM me LOL

I was taking a break from IF, and I am trying so hard to get back into it (that and exercising) but why does it feel so much harder than the first time? URGH . . . but nothing that is worth it is easy right?

I don’t know why, but my blog posts and YouTube video’s are so random, like I never plan it or the content, I just wing it. Speaking of which, show some love on my latest video :))))

Anyway back to some more random thoughts. . .

jhcDEWEAIfjwKAJFOKj

sorry, that was an intrusive thought that had to be let out LOL

Yoh I crack myself up sometimes :)))

On a serious note though, I think I am funny, or at least my 100 personalities and I find myself funny LOL

I am writing this and looking at my doggy, and I just love her so much! Like I would take a bullet for her. Crazy hey? To love something so much, even though you don’t speak the same language. I am so grateful for my little angel, I hope she knows how much I love her.

Wait let me stop there, because now I am getting emotional :(((

Point of this post? Well I don’t actually know

JK

Be yourself. Love yourself. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I sure as heck don’t anymore, and I love it!

Anyhoo

Until next time my lovely souls, remember you are loved!

xx

I’ve been down with the flu since last Friday :((( According to TikTok so is everyone else. . .

I don’t know what your symptoms are but I’ve had a constant headache, runny nose, cough and fever, among some other things that I’d prefer not to mention LOL

You probably reading this and thinking. . . okay? so? what does this have to do with your usual content? Well it has something to do with it okaaaaay :)))))

When we are run down we are usually more susceptible to falling ill and taking longer to recover. And then that makes us get in our head and then get the depression bug. (well that’s the case for me rn)

I hate being cooped up and on one spot for too long, and that has been me for the past few days. Just laying. . . on my couch. . . taking meds and watching Modern Family, I am almost done btw. (well it won’t be my first time watching it) It’s such a relatable, feel good series. I either end up laughing or crying because it’s so cute and funny.

Anyway, as usual I am rambling on and on (I am rolling my eyes at myself rn)

If you are down with the flu now, please go to the doc and medicate! It’s really bad and health is wealth guys! OMW I had this random memory now, I was in primary school and we had to come up with a name for a healthy sandwich and make others want to buy it. Mine was “healthy, wealthy” and I’m pretty sure I was not aware of the saying at that time. Anyway that made me LOL

But honestly, take care of yourself. Take time off and put your health first. (mental, physical) Taking care of yourself is so important, and as I am saying this I just realized I only had 1L of water for the day, guess I need to be taking my own advice hey!

Anyway, my brain is mush but I just needed to do something because the book that I am working on is just not looking good rn. I was like “let me stick to what I know” and get a blog out, even if I am just rambling on to whatever.

Anyway if you read this far. . . thank you. I appreciate you and I’m sending you all my love and hoping that you are going to have a leka week further :))) Rest up my beautiful souls and crush your goals for this week!

Until next time my lovely souls, remember that you are loved

xx

As another week begins, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the challenges that may lie ahead. But what if we shift our perspective and view each new week as an opportunity for growth, excitement, and hope? Embracing the week ahead with positivity and anticipation can transform our mindset and set the tone for a fulfilling and productive journey. Let’s explore how we can approach the week ahead with enthusiasm and optimism, ready to seize the many possibilities that await.

Embrace Possibilities: Every new week brings with it a variety of possibilities waiting to be explored. Whether it’s tackling a new project at work, reconnecting with friends, or pursuing a personal goal, there are endless opportunities for growth and discovery. Instead of focusing on the unknown or the challenges that may arise, embrace the potential for positive outcomes and new experiences. Keep an open mind and be willing to step outside of your comfort zone to make the most of the week ahead.

Trust Growth: It’s important to remember that growth often comes from facing challenges and overcoming obstacles. Rather than fearing failure or setbacks, trust in your ability to adapt and grow stronger with each experience. Approach challenges as opportunities for learning and development, knowing that every setback is a stepping stone toward success. By embracing a growth mindset, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the ups and downs of the week ahead with confidence and resilience.

Radiate Positivity: Your mindset has a powerful impact on your outlook and experiences. By choosing to radiate positivity, you can create a ripple effect of optimism and hope that not only lifts your spirits but also influences those around you. Start each day with a grateful heart and a positive attitude, focusing on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you, and let your optimism guide you through any challenges that may arise.

As we embark on a new week, let’s embrace the possibilities, trust in our growth, and radiate positivity. By approaching each day with excitement and hope, we can transform our outlook and set ourselves up for success. Remember, the week ahead is full of opportunities waiting to be seized – all it takes is a willingness to embrace them with an open heart and mind.

Until next time my lovely souls, remember that you are loved.

xx

“Some days, things just take way to much of my energy” – Ariana Grande

Those words are resonating with me so hard right now.

I’ve had a couple of REALLY great weeks, maybe 2 months or so? But the big crash came. aii what’s new right? If you suffer from a mental illness I’m sure you’ll understand what I am saying. Or maybe you don’t and you just know that life has its ups and downs. But how do we get through it? I think how we get through it is what defines us. I say that with the utmost sensitivity, and speaking from experience where I haven’t dealt with it as well as I would like.

I’ve written about what helps me when I have my moments, but what happens when nothing is working? What happens when it all seems to much? I’m asking because I don’t have all the answers, and I am still figuring it all out one step at a time.

I’ll tell you what I am trying right now. I’ve reached out to a really good friend, and I am listening to music and writing this blog. Overloading my brain with as much as I can to calm my mind and stay as present as I can. (wrote this part last night, and the next part today)

I am so grateful to the person who pulled me out of a dark place last night. If you are reading this, thank you. Sometimes all we need to do is talk, maybe not even about the problem at hand, but just to take your mind off things. Sometimes we just need to look at things from a fresh perspective.

I would like to encourage you to not be too hard on yourself. Last night I was beating myself up so badly about not being able to hold things together, but the truth is… things can’t be perfect all the time, and beating ourselves up about it won’t change the situation but rather make it worse.

Please be patient with yourself, especially when it comes to healing. Having bad day’s is okay, take your time and work through it. Do something that makes you smile, makes you laugh and then when you are feeling stronger, go at it with a fresh mind.

Thank you for reading

Until next time my lovely souls, remember that you are loved.

xx