Firstly, ironic because I’ve been AWOL haha (well with blogging)
But seriously, I need a break, so if you don’t hear from me or see me as often, know it’s nothing personal – I am trying to make a few POSITIVE changes and I need to stay focused.
We are almost at the end of September and I remember telling myself last year, that I would be in a total different place by now, and guess what? Besides my job and slightly better mental health status – my physical health has taken an even bigger dip, and I am not proud of it.
I recently had a doctor’s appointment and I had to list all my “disorders” and honestly after mentioning all of it I was kinda embarrassed. That list was so long! The doctor took one look at me and said “stop hiding behind your disorders, own it” that hit hard but it’s true. Sometimes I make excuses and just fall back on, oh its because I have…. whatever. But that needs to stop.
If I want to make changes – especially with regard to my physical health I need to STOP blaming my binge eating disorder and work with what I have. Eat healthier and exercise. Simple right? well, it’s actually really not but I have to put in the effort. As I am typing this I am so nauseous, my throat hurts and I just feel unwell, and I can’t help but think it is linked to me being overweight.
While I’m on the topic, remember what Kat said in Euphoria? “There’s Nothing More Powerful Than A Fat Girl That Doesn’t Give a F***” Yoh I felt that for some time, not gonna lie. Being overweight gave me a weird sense of confidence, but it’s at a point where my health is taking a major dip and I simply HAVE to make some changes!
Wondering why I’m sharing this? Well if this is boring to you… just close the tab! I started this blog for myself and to raise awareness about mental health among many other things, but also as a diary to myself, so, Makayla, by next year this time I want to see a change okay? I am holding myself accountable and if you want to be a part of my journey then hold me accountable too! Sometimes we all need a helping hand, and if you want to be one – I will accept it. I am NOT saying I will be the best responder but I will try my best 🙂
I listened to this oldish song now and it made me feel somewhat hopeful. So take a listen, maybe you need it too!
Anyway…
I g2g
Until next time my lovely souls, remember you are loved!
xx